


Richie Does the Wired Autocomplete Interview

by d0ntyouforgetaboutme



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Famous Richie Tozier AU, M/M, Richie Tozier Has ADHD, Richie does not like interviews
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-23
Updated: 2019-11-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:15:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/d0ntyouforgetaboutme/pseuds/d0ntyouforgetaboutme
Summary: I liked the idea of Richie doing the Wired autocomplete interview. Takes place in the same universe as Richie Reads Mean Tweets but fics can be read seperately.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 16
Kudos: 295





	Richie Does the Wired Autocomplete Interview

“Hi, I’m Richie Tozier and today I’m doing the Wired Autocomplete Interview” Richie smiled at the camera. He fumbled slightly with the posterboard before he started.  
“Is Richie Tozier” Richie began before peeling off the first piece of paper. “Gay?”  
Of course that was the first one. He looked at the camera and waggled his eyebrows, much like did as a teenager after saying something inappropriate. “The gayest.  
“Is Richie Tozier in Bill Denbrough’s new movie? I knew that was gonna come up,” he said while laughing. “I tried to talk to him about it and he won’t go for it. Billiam, I’m telling you, this is what the people want.  
“Is Richie Tozier married? Yes, I’m married to my beloved Eddie Spaghetti. And yes, he still really hates when I call him that.  
“Is Richie Tozier going on tour? Soon. I’ve been doing some local shows while I’m working out some new material. Until then there’s a perfectly good Netflix special for you guys to watch” he punctuated his statement with a wink at the camera. “Had to get a shameless plug in there somehow.  
“Is Richie Tozier dating Bill Denbrough?  
Well, not anymore, not after the whole movie ordeal...” Richie began before cracking up. “No, I never dated Bill, even though I thought he was hot when we were kids. And now. Fuck, he’s never gonna let me be in his movie after he sees this.”  
Richie set down the posterboard and moved on to the next round of questions. He grimaced as soon as he peeled off the first paper.  
“Does Richie Tozier write his own material?” he ran his fingers through his hair as he tended to do when he was nervous. He supposed it was fair for people to ask this after he admitted to spending the first half of his career lying and telling other people’s jokes. “I do now.  
“Does Richie Tozier have a girlfriend? Nope.” he gestured to himself with his free hand. “Gay  
“Does Richie Tozier have a son?” Richie immediately groaned. “This is about the fucking Stranger Things kid, I just know it is. Because people think we look alike for some reason. But no, I don’t have any secret kids. Again, gay.”  
“Does Richie Tozier have ADHD? Yeah, I’ve talked about it a little bit before. It explains why the Adderall I took at parties didn’t do anything for me. But I take it now as a prescription and it works great!  
“Does Richie Tozier speak Spanish? Beyond calling my husband Eduardo and using a few Spanish words, no. Saying ‘Eduardo, ándale’ when Eddie’s taking too long in the shower is about the extent of it.”  
Richie accepted a third posterboard full of questions upon finishing his last statement, though he did this somewhat reluctantly. He was starting to remember why he hated interviews. “Jesus, you people have a lot of questions” he chuckled, trying to laugh it off. He cleared his throat before starting again.  
“Where is Richie Tozier from? A shitty town in Maine that I never wanna go back to ever again. If comedy didn’t work out, my back up plan was to start a pop punk band and sing about it.  
“How old is Richie Tozier? 42 years old with the same sense of humor I’ve had since I was 13.  
“Why is Richie Tozier called trashmouth? Childhood nickname. It’s a funnier way of saying that I’m a giant fucking potty mouth.  
“What is Richie Tozier’s Zodiac sign? According to my friend Mike I’m a Pisces. I don’t even know what the hell that means, Zodiac signs are bullshit.  
“How tall is Richie Tozier? 6’1, and I have to bend down to kiss my husband” Richie smirked. “My husband is what the internet kids call a ‘smol boi’.” Eddie was gonna kill him when he saw this.  
“Okay last one, only three this time” Richie said with an internal sigh of relief as he was handed the final board. He hoped that his impatience wasn’t completely obvious.  
“How does Richie Tozier know Beverly Marsh? We’ve been friends since childhood. We drifted apart and didn’t talk for a long time, but we’re really close now.”  
Richie cleared his throat before continuing, “We‘re all part of what we call the Losers Club. It‘s me, Bev, her husband Ben, Bill, Eddie, and Mike and Stan. So if you’ve ever wondered why these seven random people keep tweeting each other, that’s why. I love them all very much. The Trashmouth has a heart, who would have guessed?”  
He hoped the audience watching would like seeing a glimpse of his more sensitive side. Richie started to feel like he could become more vulnerable with his audience after coming out. He couldn’t tell them too much (he would be labeled a druggie and probably committed if he talked about the happenings with It) but he could at least show a softer side.  
“When did Richie Tozier start as a comedian? I started in the late 90s after I moved to California.  
“And finally, who is Richie Tozier married to? Eddie Kaspbrak-Tozier, a small adorable risk analyst who makes fun of me the internet all day” Richie paused before deciding he was going to end this thing with a joke. Fuck being serious. “Speaking of my husband, I’m gonna go home now and have sex with him.”  
The crew members finally lost it at that one. Richie grinned, he caught the crew members cracking a smile at some of his jokes but he finally got them to actually laugh. “That’s how you’re gonna end this?” one asked.  
“Yeah, man, why not?” Richie laughed. After all, it wasn’t like he ever took interviews seriously anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> My fics end about as well as Bill Denbrough’s books lmao


End file.
